♥ Life Is Good ♥

People. They come and go in our lives.

I consider myself lucky and blessed.
As a daughter, niece, cousin, friend, colleague and dentist, I am grateful.
These few weeks, I have been receiving encouragement and positive vibes.

Family has been proud of the person I have become.
Someone who has been capable of taking care herself and surrounding people.
Able to be carefree yet grounded at the same time.
Family is one of my priorities, so is filial piety.

Friends have thought of me as someone who deserves a gold medal in friendship.
And that I was like a candle that comes to their minds, when in time of darkness.
Glad that I can do the part of providing a listening ear and a shoulder to hang on.
I always try my best for our relationship, I hope the same for you.

Colleagues have thought of me as one of the roots of their lives.
Apparently there are tree (pun intended) types of people: leaf, branch and root.
The type who is hard to find, hold others up to help them live strong and healthy.
One who stays low key and will be happy for others who thrive.

Patients have mentioned that I was kind, meticulous and understanding.
Thankfully 99% of my patients smile when they leave my room.
Some apparently have raved about me to their family and friends.
I am glad they like my personality and my services, please do recommend more.

I really really like Facebook memories.
Whoever thought of this idea is just brilliant!

One of the days in February, I managed to review what I did on that very day.
For the past 7 years! 7 years, can you imagine how time flies?

16th June. This day also marks a certain significance I guess?

7 years ago today, in 2009:
We were done with Problem Based Learning session for the semester.
It was the very first group we had, for our time in dental school.
I remember that it pretty daunting having to research and discuss a topic.
But when everybody contributed, it was a fun learning experience.

5 years ago today, in 2011:
We set foot in Dunedin, New Zealand.
My first time living outside my home country where I grew up for 20 years.
Left home for long term since. Home became a place I visited instead of staying.
Good thing then was that I had friends to count on, who experienced the same as I.
Missing life in Otago!

3 years ago today, in 2013:
Our final winter break as students.
We left the crazy Dunedin weather for warmer one in Wellington and Melbourne.
It was during my week-long stint at Wellington that change my mindset.
I vowed to never stay/work in a place where I knew no one. Not even for a  year.
Our time in Melbourne was great. It's the most liveable city for a reason.

And today, in 2016:
I received a letter from the Immigration Department - PR approved!
Like finally, after 10 long months of waiting.
It's surreal by its own means, finally not feeling like a second-class citizen.
Even back home, we are sometimes treated like one by the government.
Then followed by the student visa and work visa overseas.

This day, I've noticed significant milestones in my life.
Getting here and being here today, I am very blessed indeed. =)

Have you ever had that feeling of just wanting to cry out loud?
It never really crossed my mind but it happened to me today.

Might be the stress at work I have been receiving the past few weeks?
This is probably the longest period of work without a getaway I had in a while.
I know some of you might say 5 weeks is nothing.
But considering I am practising dentistry every day except (most) Sundays,
compared to lucky people of the world who have 2-day weekends, it is something!

I think the past 2 weeks especially, so much drama every other day.
From lab drama to mentorship drama to work schedule drama etc.
Today's just had to add the icing on the cake!

Late lunch as 12.30pm patient came in at 1pm.
Usually I would ask them to reschedule, but she was 80 years old, so I gave in.
She didn't even say sorry and even asked if her son wants check up after we were done!
Inconsiderate really, why do people like these exist in the world?
Left work 90 minutes late, cos we ran out of materials for the last patient.
I had to send one of the assistants to get them from our nearest branch.
I felt so bad for the patient, cos he was in the clinic for a good 4 hours!
Even my usual happy drink - Mr Bean's Icy Matcha Azuki, didn't help.

I was feeling quite down while on the MRT after leaving the clinic very late.
And while walking home, my eyes started being red and teary.
I tried to controlling it till I reach home as it is embarrassing to cry outside.
But the tears started rolling, I walked as fast as I could.
Avoiding eye contacts while doing so.

I cried. Out loud. Very loud indeed.
The moment I shut the front door behind of me.
For a good 10 minutes, just cried and cried.
And then I felt better.

I wished someone was there to hug me and tell me it was ok and just cry.
A family member or a friend or just anybody really.
But it was just me alone, locked in my room.
If only there was a someone I could go to right now.
But at the same time also don't want to burden others with my emo-ness.

Money can't buy happiness, they say. So true!
My commission this month may be higher, but I didn't feel happier.
Not worth the stress I get in return.

We all must have sad times in order to feel happy again.
I guess this is it. No one is always happy.
I may portray it like I am, but it is the mask I wear.
To hid my negativity away from others, since no one likes it anyway.

Counting down to the days till happiness finds me again!

Good mornings and good nights.

I haven't felt like this in a long while.
Smiling at the littlest things even at randomest times.
My heart races, yet it feels so comfortable.
It feels kind of foreign! Haha.

Looking forward if there is more to come.
Thank you for saying hi first =)

I've been in Singapore for about 13 months till date.
This week was my first time seeing this little red dot in a different light.
Yes, today is Singapore's founding father Mr Lee Kuan Yew's State Funeral Service.

Mr Lee passed away early morning on Monday, and was since national mourning week.
His face and name was everywhere. My goosebumps came up each time I saw them.
Community Centres throughout the country was set up for his tribute.
Parliament House was open to public to pay their last respect.

Of course, the queue was insane. Last I heard was up to 12 hours!
An acquaintance of mine actually queued from 8pm before he could bow at 4am.
Singaporeans love to queue for anything and everything.
If they could queue hours for food and Hello Kitty, they could do the same for Mr Lee.
MRT lines were running for 24 hours, of cos with timings were slower than usual.

I didn't join the queue to bow to Mr Lee as I heard it was less than 10 seconds encounter.
And you could go no where near the coffin to say your prayers.
You will just follow and move along with the crowd. 
They provide free umbrellas and water due to the scorching heat throughout the day too.
Mr Lee was a great leader indeed, but not someone close enough for me go through these.

Colleagues and patients spoke highly of him, asking if I went to queue and telling me tips.
My appointment books this week were half of those I usually have, and got to leave work early.
There were pros and cons of his passing. Singaporeans were different to what I knew.

Was I sad of his passing? Of course I was, but not all teary and wailing kinda sad.
Then I saw his funeral procession route yesterday, it would pass by near where I live.
So I thought it would be good to bid this great man a farewell.

Can't believe the year is coming to an end so soon!

First time is a mistake.
Second time is a choice.
Third time you are dumb if you don't make noise.

I heard these wise words from a Kdrama that I was watching.
Can't believe it is so applicable in my real life situation right now!

Well, technically not a mistake I made, but more like the feeling of being used.
Just because I didn't say anything earlier as I was trying to be understanding,
doesn't mean I am ok with being constantly targeted.

I must have been dreaming.
There is no way a fairytale like that exist.
Friendly conversation? Haaaa.
I knew something was up and you are just testing the depth of the water.

Always be on your toes, you would never know how deep you will fall.
Never be too nice and show your vulnerable side.
Also, playing dumb for a while can be nice.
The person who tells you stories, will be the first one to spread stories.

Rant over.

4th Merdeka away from home, I feel a little bit more patriotic.
Haven't been needing to identify myself by race, but just simply "I am Malaysian".

We probably could learn a thing or two from our neighbour down south,
not that they are always better.
Came across a speech by Singapore's first President Yusof Ishak:
"No man need feel to belong to a particular religion puts him at a disadvantage
or gives him an advantage. This is how things are in Singapore
and this is how things will always be in our country. Only in this way 
will a multicultural society like Singapore can live in peace and harmony."
I believe this was what our first Prime Minister Tunku Abdul Rahman
and his troupe had in mind when they paved way for our independence.

I longed for the day that Malaysia would just be the same.
Can you imagine that on top of melting pot of cultures and our amazing variety of food?
We would be unstoppable then.
Perhaps one day when Malaysians of my generation are leading the country?
I hope children of our children will be able to experience that too.

One person's thought may not make much of a difference,
but many people with the same thought may contribute to the gradual changes
till the outcome we desire. This is something to ponder about.

Happy blessed 57th Merdeka my fellow Malaysians! =)

P/S: Check out Tunku's 1957 Merdeka speech read by fellow Malaysians here. 
        Listen till the end! 

This is killing me real bad.
It's always here again that I frequent when I am crying.
It seems to be the same person again and again who brought me such heartache.
Always telling me news that make my life so miserable, yes work related again.
I wanna have somebody to lament with who can actually empathise. 

Don't get me wrong, I really love what I am doing. 
Especially after seeing the happy faces that greeted me after each visit.
It's only been a month but I have been flattered nearly everyday by my patients.
I might not be the most capable or quick handed dentist around, but I really do try my best for them.
I know they can feel my sincerity to actually make time to explain things and listen to them.

But it's the bloody schedule given that is getting on my nerves.
First it was all the night shifts that I have finally came to terms with, I forego normal working hours.
Then barely 3 weeks into the job, I agreed to take over the slots of a fellow colleague on leave for about 3 weeks.
The hours were more normal, but I was made to work some of my timeslots on top of my colleague's.
So that's 6 full days a week, I would be tired as but at least I am based in somewhere I enjoy being.
I didn't mind that, best of what I can have.

Then today, on my 5th week of work, I received another depressing news.
Cutting down sessions in the clinics I am enjoying my work at and increasing session in the one I least enjoy.
Best part is, most of the cases would be referral for dentures by a colleague who don't do any.

I can do dentures but I absolutely despise them cos those patients are the hardest to satisfy.
I can imagine the constant flow of denture cases giving me overwhelming level of stress and constant breakdown.
I witnessed a horrible denture couple this morning and I am completely traumatized.
People who twist your words and not admitting to things they gave informed consent to and just purely making our work life miserable.
Who cares about making money if you aren't happy? 

My assistant who I have been getting close to is saying that she can't handle all these no more. 
People in the upper level don't know what shit assistants face everyday, the latter's job is horrendous!
I might get bullied running in between 3 clinics cos I am a newbie but it's totally unfair to my assistants. 
They gotta handle loose ends from every corner. 

I was really sad with the new schedule. My request to stay on with the current one even got rejected,  how depressing is that?
Reasoning was awesome "cos I've sent the info out to everyone". Yup everyone but me.
Still waiting on that reply for an email I sent end of last month.
Friends from other companies have gotten their pay even when they started later than me.
Now I am actually experiencing the horror stories about my company that was told to me after I signed my contract last year.
Too late to regret I guess?

I really hope this crap can be amended soon.
Just because I am a newbie, doesn't mean I can be bullied just as you wish.
Newbie has feelings too you know?

Despite facing down times, all I need to do is chant the mantras from the patients and try to make myself happy. =)
"This is the best dental clinic experience I had"
"I would totally recommend you to my friends"
"I feel really comfortable with you, shall bring my wife and kids to see you next"
"I want you to do it instead of the specialist. Worse case scenario is that I'll loose a tooth right? I'll let you try, really!"
"I came cos someone has recommended me to"
"Can I get your namecard?"
"Thank you so so much" followed by handshakes and even a bear hug! 

But the best line that really gotten into me and I truly felt appreciated:
"You are officially my favourite dentist"
That was after a torturous clean with massive loads of bleeding!

Presevere Yean!!!

Today, I just feel like writing my mind out.

I have spent months away from home, and this is my first two weeks back home.

As much as I missed the food, my family and friends and tons of malls to hang out in,
nothing beyond all these that I actually enjoy in this place I called home.
I can say I am quite well traveled, and I know the good and bad side of things.
The grass can be greener on the other side, but that's not always the case.
I say this based on my own personal experience.

There's one thing I hope can change for the better - the Malaysian mindset.
I know some would say I always only pin-point the negatives.
I have to agree to some extent, but I try to look at the bright side too.
The thing is, majority of Malaysians think and act the same.
And that really really irks me!

I've not experienced any so called "Malaysian Hospitality" since I got home.
Ok, maybe I did on my flights back home and outbound for my holidays.
The chief steward and older cabin crew in my MAS flight from AUK-KL were nice,
they treated me well throughout the 11-hour journey home, no complains there.
I received better treatment when the chief steward found out I was a dentist.
Even a newly graduated one is entitled to better hospitality.
He gave me a cup of Maggi mee filled with chicken, fish ball, prawns and vegetable
after our conversation about life stories, without me requesting for it.
And a slice of chocolate cake from Business Class right after I finished my dinner.
"Cos it's not everyday that I get to serve a dentist." he said. Awww.
You might say it's double standard, I agree, but he gets nothing out it.
He doesn't know my name, probably forgotten my face by now.
I will always remember is his farewell greetings "Thank you and good luck, dentist!"

I can't say the same for the younger cabin crew in the same flight.
I've pressed the flight attendant button and requested just plain water.
I think I pressed the button thrice before someone came to my service.
That's fine, but after that I had to ask 3 different flight attendants for water,
before the last flight attendant finally brought me some, a good 30 minutes later.
The flight attendant didn't even smile when serving or when I said thank you!

When I did my shopping in Forever 21 Pavillion just yesterday,
the service by the shop attendants at the changing room was horrible.
I went in twice and both were similar experience - from queuing to my turn. 
Those girls treated customers as if we were transparent.
It was bad enough that they sulk when removing the clothes from the hanger,
worse when they slam the hanger on the table after,
worst when they raised their voice (like shouting) right in front of your face,
while talking about their shifts and with the b*tch faces.
And they actually think it's alright to say "thank you" in a softer but forceful manner,
without smiling or looking into your eyes. If you don't mean it, just don't say it!

In H&M Pavillion however,  I had a slightly better shopping experience.
Malaysians are not known for their friendly customer services but the cashier was polite.
She smile as she greeted me, when collecting money and when saying thank you.
That is the very least a customer service personnel should be.
It would have been better if they attempt to strike a conversation with you.

In NZ, the standard no matter where you is "Hi, how are you?", 
but they don't expect you to answer. I know it's weird, didn't get used to it at all.
When I do, they would be pleasantly surprised and reply "I am good, thanks".
Sometimes the conversation can flow to "How can I help you today?", "I love this too!"
"This is such a bargain isn't it?", "The weather's excellent / horrible today"
and a few times "Your jacket is a beautiful, where did you get it from?"
This is solely the friendly Kiwis, you don't get the same treatment in Australia either.
It may be difficult to start an awkward conversation here, 
we were taught not to talk to strangers from young but the very least SMILE!

My first nasi lemak in months was at Village Park in Uptown Damansara.
They were busy, serve 5-star meals with efficiency but friendliness was 3 stars.
Cos they seem to want to get us out of their way constantly.
Similar busy restaurant Nirwana in Bangsar where I had banana leaf rice,
had 4-star meals with efficiency with 5-star service.
They were quick to serve, smiled and laughed with us when serving.
When the queue was getting longer, they started clearing our banana leaves,
and politely asked if we wanted to order more drinks.
That was a sign for us to pay and leave but in a more socially acceptable manner.

So please Malaysians, be pleasant to everybody although you can't please everybody.
My philosophy has always been "treat people the way you want to be treated",
cos whatever you do, karma can go both ways. 
Be positive, show fellow Malaysians and visitors our Malaysian Hospitality! =)

Enough for now, more rantings next blogpost before New Years. =P

I have just came across random posts and I can't help to think about this.
It's about homosexuality. (Don't give me that look!)
I am writing it here cos no one actually reads my blog which is good. haha.

Homosexuality is not legally acceptable back home,
although same-sex marriage has been legalised here earlier this year.
But the thing is, each time I head home, I see more and more same-sex couples.
More lesbians than gays. You can actually tell that they are from uni-sex school.
And they are usually of high school age who usually show public display of affection.
They can't help but to fall in love with each other, I get it.

I have friends who are gays and lesbians, we know of it but we don't speak about it.
It can be quite a sensitive issue for some people.
I have no problems with homosexual people unless of cos they fall for me.
That I will freak out! But I don't think I have that kind of charm. haha.

Jokes aside. I am going to be a bit sexist labeling people as gay or lesbian ok?

You know how gay guys would date other gay guys?
Both of them are usually pretty similar.
They are exceptionally good looking (most of the times), 
they dress very well (whether like a gentleman or what we call very "metro"),
they are near perfect in presenting themselves - speaking or eating habits,
they are usually very well-groomed and neat,
they appear to be the best person you can b*tch with and confide to,
they are like the perfect guy for every girl, just that they are not meant for us.

There is one thing I don't understand and / or don't make sense.
How come lesbians aren't like that?
Both of them are usually the opposite.
One half would be more masculine and the other half is feminine.
So the feminine one would be a typical girly girl usually.
The more masculine one would dress, walk, talk, act exactly like a guy,
trying to fit in with the bros and usually hang out with a bunch of guys.
I have not personally seen a pair masculine looking lesbians together.
And maybe only a handful pairs of feminine looking lesbians in my lifetime.

Masculine looking lesbians couples would be a bit weird I reckon.
Cos it technically means you are attracted to a guy, and that you want to be a guy too.
I think for me, a most ideal lesbian couple would be two very feminine ladies.
You know how some girls make a remark upon seeing another really hot female?
"I would totally turn lesbian for her" - physical attraction comes first here.

My question is: why would a girl turn lesbian for a girl who looks exactly like a guy?
I am really curious. Why why why, tell me why!
That has been in my mind and got a little annoying, hence the post.
Some day I hope to be enlightened, really.

Undergraduate exams are finally OVER!!

5 years in Dental School and today is our official last day of clinics!
Can't believe how time flies, we will soon be graduating =)

A picture to commemorate the times we went through together:
the happy, sad, exciting, frustrating, fun but never boring,
the thick and thins throughout the 5 years.

Someone once asked me when will I ever let myself loose,
just let things be and go with the flow.
I don't know the answer, it's not my nature to keep myself off guard.

I may not be the perfect person who says the perfect lines
or even do the perfect actions at the perfect time.
I just try to be the best person I can be for myself and people around me.

Sometimes I do wish you were here right beside me.
Randoms that we talk or rant about.
Things you say that made me smile.
Silly little details that you explained even without me asking.

We won't know for sure what happens in the future.
Enjoy the moment, live the moment.

If only timing and place is right.

We've just ended our last break of student life.
In less than 10 weeks, I'll be sitting for my finals and *poof* I will qualify as a DENTIST!

Like finally, after 5 long years! Can you believe how time flies? @.@
I've just walked down the memory lane, and read my previous post.

Some of you might have known that I did a credit transfer to Otago.
The past 2.5 years (nearly) had been an eye-opening journey for me!
Staying in a student city is a whole new experience altogether.
I've meet people from various countries, know more about fellow Malaysians,
party hard, study harder and acclimatize to the weather and environment.
Practically everyone else here experience the same as I do, so no complains!

The pool of patients we see at dental school are probably the most amazing ones.
They can just sit there with their mouths open for hours;
don't mind spending their time waiting for tutors;
let you try different things (even though it is your very first time doing so);
they understand that making mistakes is part of the learning process;
and ever so willing to go through the tedious process like repeating an impression.
When I say they, I meant most of the patients, and I will miss them dearly.
There are obviously the odd ones that can be very nasty and expect perfection.

As students, or even as qualified clinicians, we would definitely give our best try.
No qualms about that, at least if we are talking about me. hehe
But there are times where no matter how hard we try, things don't go our way.
I am sure everyone of us would have experience times like that. No?
So please, be more understanding the next time you are on the dental chair! =)

Though one thing I don't get, doctors tend to get more leeway than dentists. How come?
I guess I'd worry about these things later in the year, 
especially in terms of patients' perception of a newbie dentist. haha.

At least I can say I've had some experience in:
Scale and polish. Checked.
Simple fillings. Checked.
Complex fillings. Checked.
Root canal treatments. Checked.
Dentures. Checked.
Crowns. Checked.
Implant treatment planning. On-going.
Bridge. ??? only done it on a simulation model. =S

For now, my last hurdle as a final year student, I need to stay focus.
Completing my research project, case presentation, all my patient cases,
study smart and hopefully ace my finals and JOBS! JOBS! JOBS!

Gonna end this post with a picture of an upper gold onlay I did earlier this year.
It has gotta be my happiest moment when it sat perfectly in my patient's mouth.
After numerous attempts in placing temporaries and taking equigingival impressions,
I was very pleased with the end results. That satisfaction. =D

Before I even talk about how stressed I am now, I've been slacking on my exercise.
I know it's horrible, I feel bad cos I did none for the past 5 days!
I have my reasons cos my carefree weeks have been gone and it's very cold. =(
No excuses, I know. I will work on it soonest!

So back to my rising stress level, there's so many things to be doneeee.
I just got back to school this week after a solid 9 weeks away - holidays and placements!
Assignments are due one after another, and sending out job applications.
I just had my first job interview on Saturday, it went quite alright. =)
We'll see the outcome for that, hopefully it'll be favourable to me.

Got back my IELTS results yesterday, I am happy with everything except my Writing.
How can my written English deteriorate so badly after 5 years? 6 freaking point 5.
Now because of this one section, I may need to re-sit the test that cost me RM 1k +.
What a pain right? I'll just let it be atm. But I am still saddd.

All my senior colleagues have advised to do something I love other than dentistry.
Travelling and baking have been what I enjoy, but all these require funds.
Which is sadly depleting very quickly... I can't wait to earn my own money again!
But in the mean time, I need to find a new hobby or past time that I enjoy, 
so that my sanity can be kept in check! hehe

Who said final year was chillaxing?? I beg to differ.
Just gotta emphasize on how stressed out I am right now: VERYYYYY!
I shall just eat, eat, eat my stress away~ =P

I completed my 30 Day Challenges for squats and beginner's push up today!
Feeling so happy to have completed it, such an accomplishment. haha.

I can feel my thigh and shin muscles firming up instead of the tau fu fa consistency.
Arms are still flabby though not as much, still working on it~
I lost a little weight the last time I was on a scale, so my effort is slowly paying off! 

Ohhhh and I was skiing for the first time yesterday, it spelled F-U-N !!!
So for obvious reasons my arm muscles are a bit sore today and some bruises on the shin.
But thanks to the light exercises I've been doing, the soreness was milder than expected!

Tomorrow I shall start with my abs and push up challenges for the next 30 days.
Wait and see world, I'll be a fitter and leaner me by my target date: 7 November 2013!

#ICanDoIt

Graduation is exactly 6 months away and I am determined to be in good shape!

Target weight loss: 5kg
Target waist circumference loss: 3 inches
Target fit and healthy date: 7 November 2013

I am writing this down so that the world knows and will bug me to do it. =)

I have just started a 30-Day Challenge today, actually it's a 2-in-1.
Just the beginners push-ups and squats ones for home workout!
I chose this option rather than at the gym cos I'll be more likely to do it.
Cos gym will be pretty much inaccessible to me for the next 5 weeks.
I have been lacking exercise, so obviously I was panting by end of Day 1.
It'll get tougher, but I WILL COMPLETE the challenges!

Why do I chose to do it now you may ask?
I looked at myself at the mirror last night and my first thought was "oh shittt".
After my 3-weeks of feasting every meal during my trips,
every picture I see of myself is getting rounder and rounder.
And it just had to stop before thing get worse!
I told myself I have to start today and not wait till I have time.

I went through a few random blogs, friends' and friends of friends' included.
I am inspired by them and I just need to do this. 
I'll update my progress in 30 days time.
I know I can do this. Wish me luck! =)