Read my blog, just love me or hate me! Thanks for dropping by! =)

Saturday, November 17, 2018


People. They come and go in our lives.

Everyone came in for a reason whether intentional or not.

Some enter and leave like the wind, whether a breeze or a storm.
Some enter, create a dream and leave us with the beautiful memory.
Some enter, create a havoc and leave us to clear the mess.
Some enter and stay to be part of our lives for as long as we could remember.
Some enter and leave and attempt re-entry again for whatever reason.

There are only several instances in my life that I remembered crying my heart out.
It took a while each time for me to heal from those times.
People tend to think my life is always carefree and happy, that's true most times.
But there are times when I was down and teary. Only which some would know.

Based on life past experiences, I have created a cushioning wall around my heart.
I have lived using my brain first rather than my heart for the longest time.
Practicality and calculated risks, whether it will be worth the effort or not.
This is to minimise the impact of any failures when it happens.

Strangers may think that I am a snobby ice queen.
Closer friends may think that I am too straightforward and motherly.
Family may think that I am respectful and fend well for myself.
I have always tried to be the best versions of myself for others and me too.

When you are part of my life and I made effort to let you be part of my life,
I would appreciate if you put in an effort to stay too.
It's alright that we meet or talk once in a while. I am sorry if I don't say hi often enough.
But as you already know, I prefer face-to-face conversations over text messages.
Friendship is when we are apart from each other but able to pick up from where we left.

Relationship however needs two people to work hand-in-hand and be on the same page.
It will be a pity when two individuals who cross path are in different chapters.
One is ready to commit, the other isn't. Space and time are given.
But how long of a wait before we can get a response and continue with life?
When is too soon? When is too long? When is the right time?

The unknown reasons, the longing, the wait, the tears and the acceptance of loss.
I've been through that coming out stronger than before.
It was a beautiful memory while it lasted. And I have been moving on.

It's was difficult for me to finally open up again for someone new.
So why did you come knocking on my door again? Why now?

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Monday, October 23, 2017


I consider myself lucky and blessed.
As a daughter, niece, cousin, friend, colleague and dentist, I am grateful.
These few weeks, I have been receiving encouragement and positive vibes.

Family has been proud of the person I have become.
Someone who has been capable of taking care herself and surrounding people.
Able to be carefree yet grounded at the same time.
Family is one of my priorities, so is filial piety.

Friends have thought of me as someone who deserves a gold medal in friendship.
And that I was like a candle that comes to their minds, when in time of darkness.
Glad that I can do the part of providing a listening ear and a shoulder to hang on.
I always try my best for our relationship, I hope the same for you.

Colleagues have thought of me as one of the roots of their lives.
Apparently there are tree (pun intended) types of people: leaf, branch and root.
The type who is hard to find, hold others up to help them live strong and healthy.
One who stays low key and will be happy for others who thrive.

Patients have mentioned that I was kind, meticulous and understanding.
Thankfully 99% of my patients smile when they leave my room.
Some apparently have raved about me to their family and friends.
I am glad they like my personality and my services, please do recommend more.

I just wanted to log this entry, so that I can always remember these moments =)

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Thursday, June 16, 2016

16th June

I really really like Facebook memories.
Whoever thought of this idea is just brilliant!

One of the days in February, I managed to review what I did on that very day.
For the past 7 years! 7 years, can you imagine how time flies?

16th June. This day also marks a certain significance I guess?

7 years ago today, in 2009:
We were done with Problem Based Learning session for the semester.
It was the very first group we had, for our time in dental school.
I remember that it pretty daunting having to research and discuss a topic.
But when everybody contributed, it was a fun learning experience.

5 years ago today, in 2011:
We set foot in Dunedin, New Zealand.
My first time living outside my home country where I grew up for 20 years.
Left home for long term since. Home became a place I visited instead of staying.
Good thing then was that I had friends to count on, who experienced the same as I.
Missing life in Otago!

3 years ago today, in 2013:
Our final winter break as students.
We left the crazy Dunedin weather for warmer one in Wellington and Melbourne.
It was during my week-long stint at Wellington that change my mindset.
I vowed to never stay/work in a place where I knew no one. Not even for a  year.
Our time in Melbourne was great. It's the most liveable city for a reason.

And today, in 2016:
I received a letter from the Immigration Department - PR approved!
Like finally, after 10 long months of waiting.
It's surreal by its own means, finally not feeling like a second-class citizen.
Even back home, we are sometimes treated like one by the government.
Then followed by the student visa and work visa overseas.

This day, I've noticed significant milestones in my life.
Getting here and being here today, I am very blessed indeed. =)

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Thursday, December 3, 2015

Of rough weeks and tears

Have you ever had that feeling of just wanting to cry out loud?
It never really crossed my mind but it happened to me today.

Might be the stress at work I have been receiving the past few weeks?
This is probably the longest period of work without a getaway I had in a while.
I know some of you might say 5 weeks is nothing.
But considering I am practising dentistry every day except (most) Sundays,
compared to lucky people of the world who have 2-day weekends, it is something!

I think the past 2 weeks especially, so much drama every other day.
From lab drama to mentorship drama to work schedule drama etc.
Today's just had to add the icing on the cake!

Late lunch as 12.30pm patient came in at 1pm.
Usually I would ask them to reschedule, but she was 80 years old, so I gave in.
She didn't even say sorry and even asked if her son wants check up after we were done!
Inconsiderate really, why do people like these exist in the world?
Left work 90 minutes late, cos we ran out of materials for the last patient.
I had to send one of the assistants to get them from our nearest branch.
I felt so bad for the patient, cos he was in the clinic for a good 4 hours!
Even my usual happy drink - Mr Bean's Icy Matcha Azuki, didn't help.

I was feeling quite down while on the MRT after leaving the clinic very late.
And while walking home, my eyes started being red and teary.
I tried to controlling it till I reach home as it is embarrassing to cry outside.
But the tears started rolling, I walked as fast as I could.
Avoiding eye contacts while doing so.

I cried. Out loud. Very loud indeed.
The moment I shut the front door behind of me.
For a good 10 minutes, just cried and cried.
And then I felt better.

I wished someone was there to hug me and tell me it was ok and just cry.
A family member or a friend or just anybody really.
But it was just me alone, locked in my room.
If only there was a someone I could go to right now.
But at the same time also don't want to burden others with my emo-ness.

Money can't buy happiness, they say. So true!
My commission this month may be higher, but I didn't feel happier.
Not worth the stress I get in return.

We all must have sad times in order to feel happy again.
I guess this is it. No one is always happy.
I may portray it like I am, but it is the mask I wear.
To hid my negativity away from others, since no one likes it anyway.

Counting down to the days till happiness finds me again!

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Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Smiles =)

Good mornings and good nights.

I haven't felt like this in a long while.
Smiling at the littlest things even at randomest times.
My heart races, yet it feels so comfortable.
It feels kind of foreign! Haha.

Looking forward if there is more to come.
Thank you for saying hi first =)

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Sunday, March 29, 2015


I've been in Singapore for about 13 months till date.
This week was my first time seeing this little red dot in a different light.
Yes, today is Singapore's founding father Mr Lee Kuan Yew's State Funeral Service.

Mr Lee passed away early morning on Monday, and was since national mourning week.
His face and name was everywhere. My goosebumps came up each time I saw them.
Community Centres throughout the country was set up for his tribute.
Parliament House was open to public to pay their last respect.

Of course, the queue was insane. Last I heard was up to 12 hours!
An acquaintance of mine actually queued from 8pm before he could bow at 4am.
Singaporeans love to queue for anything and everything.
If they could queue hours for food and Hello Kitty, they could do the same for Mr Lee.
MRT lines were running for 24 hours, of cos with timings were slower than usual.

I didn't join the queue to bow to Mr Lee as I heard it was less than 10 seconds encounter.
And you could go no where near the coffin to say your prayers.
You will just follow and move along with the crowd. 
They provide free umbrellas and water due to the scorching heat throughout the day too.
Mr Lee was a great leader indeed, but not someone close enough for me go through these.

Colleagues and patients spoke highly of him, asking if I went to queue and telling me tips.
My appointment books this week were half of those I usually have, and got to leave work early.
There were pros and cons of his passing. Singaporeans were different to what I knew.

Was I sad of his passing? Of course I was, but not all teary and wailing kinda sad.
Then I saw his funeral procession route yesterday, it would pass by near where I live.
So I thought it would be good to bid this great man a farewell.

I think despite Mr Lee being an atheist, God is by his side.
The sky was gloomy when I woke up close to 11am, it was meant to be a sleep-in Sunday for me.
It drizzled at first, I wore black and we grabbed a quick bite at the neighbourhood market.
Closer to the 12.30pm when the procession was to start, it was pouring cats and dogs.

I looked over the shoulder of an uncle, who was watching the live telecast on his phone.
He and his friends invited me to watch with them and was explaining what was happening.
The store owner who we bought food from told us where the procession would pass by.
We told them we were heading there after this, they wished us well and to be careful.
Outside was like going through waterfalls, got drenched despite an umbrella over my head.

Seeing the crowd lining up along the route despite the very heavy rain, no doubt they love him.
Young and old, families, couples, friends, locals and foreigners of all races were there.
With umbrellas, rain coats and some even drenched. They lined up along the route.
Home owners were kind to share their TV on live telecast to strangers through their windows.
Every floor of the shop lots and HDBs along the area were filled with people.
They were carrying the Singapore flags, banners of Mr Lee, flowers etc.
Reporters and TV crew were at the best spot - the overhead pedestrian bridge.

I was under the rain for a whole solid hour, no idea how long the others have been there.
It's a feat as never in my life have I done that for any reason, I hated the rain you see.
But watching these people brave through the rain and not complaining, I didn't mind it.
Just like how Mr Lee and his people did so during Singapore's very first National Day Parade.

We were standing at the opposite side of the road from the direction the procession was.
Moments before the procession was due to arrive, some people started climbing over the barricades.
They ran across the road without looking at on coming traffic, more people followed the suit.
Mind you, the road on our direction was not blocked, vehicles were still moving.
It was a very chaotic scene, they were like uncontrolled beasts, screw the rules!

The few policemen on duty were trying to stop the crowd, of course with their effort in vain.
All they could do, was to ensure the human traffic's safety and slow down the vehicle traffic.
In a matter of minutes, thousands of people have crossed the barricades and ran across the road.
Hogging the tiny plot of land separating the roads of different directions.
I would call them unreasonably kiasu - afraid of losing in the Hokkien dialect.
Right now, they have totally blocked my view of the opposite side of the road.
I barely moved an inch, still behind the barricade but at least not sardined among the crowd.
The stretch of humans I could see was about 1km on both sides!

From afar, we could see siren lights, police cars and uniformed men transported in trucks.
Mr Lee's cortege was coming closer to our direction along Jalan Bukit Merah.
The crowd started to chant "Lee Kuan Yew" and throwing flower petals.
Very few were wailing, the chant got louder and louder as his cortege approached.
So loud that you could no longer hear the heavy downpour or the movements of the vehicles.

As I was saying my prayers to Mr Lee, I could feel my eyes tearing up.
It wasn't sad tears that he left for the afterworld, but because I was moved even as a foreigner.
I could feel their patriotism, their love and respect for Mr Lee in those short moments.
Never have I experienced such a thing before, or seen a funeral service at such grand scale.
I don't know if I would ever have another similar experience in my lifetime.
Not of someone's passing but of a nation so united and its people's patriotism.

The crowd started to disperse as his cortege continue its journey towards NUS.
Along the way back, I saw young and old, locals and foreigners partially or fully drenched.
It was a sombre mode. But they were back into being law abiding citizens.
Waiting for the green lights before using the zebra crossings.
Volunteers were giving out drinks just in case you are dehydrated.
I have never seen so many people on the streets when it rained, but it gradually subsided.
The crowd along Jalan Bukit Merah today was comparable to Orchard Road in its peak!

If the nation cries for a man, he must have built the nation.
No matter what the world says about him, the people really do love Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

Thank you for building and guiding Singapore to what it is today.
It may not be the place I call home, but definitely it has fed me well the past year and more to come.
May you rest in peace, Mr Lee.

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Sunday, December 21, 2014

Life, they say.

Can't believe the year is coming to an end so soon!

Life the past year has been filled with ups and downs.
I feel that I have accomplished as much as I hope for this year. =)

Pretty much checked the boxes but somehow I do feel a little empty.
Work life fairly stable right now, I hope it continues to be smooth sailing.
Social life not too bad, kept in touch with old friends and meeting some new ones.
Love life no advancements the last time I checked.
Family life, I do miss them dearly especially during the festive / holiday season.
Living the life? Maybe.

I've been fortunate enough to be able to travel as often as I aimed for.
The flexibility of my job and to reap what I sow, I enjoy it.
Every 2-3 months, I need to be away from this city constantly packed with humans.
Whether is a short trip home, a weekend getaway or a week-long holiday.
As long as I am away for a while, I am able to stay sane.

I am glad that I have a group of friends that I can count on when I need them.
Having them nearby in this tiny island gives me a sense of security,
just like our home away from home.
Way better than having them scattered across the large continent.

But sometimes, friends need to lead their own lives too.
When they are all away during the time where everyone is meant to get together,
and on top of being apart from my family,
I feel a huge sense of loneliness, no one who is physically around me.
I want to cry and hug someone but I can't bring myself to let others worry about me.

This is when I start questioning myself.
Why did I choose to be here?
Is this the type of life I want to lead?
Did I make the correct decision?
Do I want to continue this in the near future?
Should I start looking for a special someone?
Those never ending questions always end up with some tears.

Life, they say.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Thinking out loud

First time is a mistake.
Second time is a choice.
Third time you are dumb if you don't make noise.

I heard these wise words from a Kdrama that I was watching.
Can't believe it is so applicable in my real life situation right now!

Well, technically not a mistake I made, but more like the feeling of being used.
Just because I didn't say anything earlier as I was trying to be understanding,
doesn't mean I am ok with being constantly targeted.

I must have been dreaming.
There is no way a fairytale like that exist.
Friendly conversation? Haaaa.
I knew something was up and you are just testing the depth of the water.

Always be on your toes, you would never know how deep you will fall.
Never be too nice and show your vulnerable side.
Also, playing dumb for a while can be nice.
The person who tells you stories, will be the first one to spread stories.

Rant over.

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