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Thursday, December 3, 2015

Of rough weeks and tears

Have you ever had that feeling of just wanting to cry out loud?
It never really crossed my mind but it happened to me today.

Might be the stress at work I have been receiving the past few weeks?
This is probably the longest period of work without a getaway I had in a while.
I know some of you might say 5 weeks is nothing.
But considering I am practising dentistry every day except (most) Sundays,
compared to lucky people of the world who have 2-day weekends, it is something!

I think the past 2 weeks especially, so much drama every other day.
From lab drama to mentorship drama to work schedule drama etc.
Today's just had to add the icing on the cake!

Late lunch as 12.30pm patient came in at 1pm.
Usually I would ask them to reschedule, but she was 80 years old, so I gave in.
She didn't even say sorry and even asked if her son wants check up after we were done!
Inconsiderate really, why do people like these exist in the world?
Left work 90 minutes late, cos we ran out of materials for the last patient.
I had to send one of the assistants to get them from our nearest branch.
I felt so bad for the patient, cos he was in the clinic for a good 4 hours!
Even my usual happy drink - Mr Bean's Icy Matcha Azuki, didn't help.

I was feeling quite down while on the MRT after leaving the clinic very late.
And while walking home, my eyes started being red and teary.
I tried to controlling it till I reach home as it is embarrassing to cry outside.
But the tears started rolling, I walked as fast as I could.
Avoiding eye contacts while doing so.

I cried. Out loud. Very loud indeed.
The moment I shut the front door behind of me.
For a good 10 minutes, just cried and cried.
And then I felt better.

I wished someone was there to hug me and tell me it was ok and just cry.
A family member or a friend or just anybody really.
But it was just me alone, locked in my room.
If only there was a someone I could go to right now.
But at the same time also don't want to burden others with my emo-ness.

Money can't buy happiness, they say. So true!
My commission this month may be higher, but I didn't feel happier.
Not worth the stress I get in return.

We all must have sad times in order to feel happy again.
I guess this is it. No one is always happy.
I may portray it like I am, but it is the mask I wear.
To hid my negativity away from others, since no one likes it anyway.

Counting down to the days till happiness finds me again!

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